Grandmas advice, and how to apply it
Grandma always told me when a friend was mean to me, or said something cruel: "Then they aren't really your friend. Besides, you dont need friends like that, anyway."
And i would nod and sniffle and think Grandma wasnt right in the head. I needed her to FIX this, darnit! not recite some indecipherable Zen Koan....
Well, it seems I have suffered some betrayal.
My friend C-- has been talking about me behind my back. Now if all it was about was that she thought I was stupid or that she didnt like my horse training methods, or results, I would have no problem with her. I mean, we all get fed up with our friends and say they are an idiot sometimes. I offer a free pass on that one. I do not like every decision my usually discerning and wise friends and aquaintances make. But for crying out loud! She said something to my 16 year old.
This sixteen year old is special to me. She is very much like a young Flora. She has been head injured and so she is not so mature, and a little odd, but a smart girl struggling to catch up, nevertheless.
I love her tenacity, her gentleness, and her kind heart.
C told her that if she was her mother, she would not let her spend one minute with me, much less hours and days with me. Evidently C thinks I am unstable, weird, and capable of anything. Well, dear reader, guess what?
I can forgive C thinking I am a dope. But if she is concerned about the girl, get her number and call her mom. Dont try to scare an impressionable girl, implying that her occupational therapist is some kind of a weirdo. But she did. Other more laughable things she said just made me feel sorry for the woman and gave me a glimpse of what the real problem is.
Evidently, not only am I weird, and a bad trainer who knows nothing, who has nothing useful to teach, it sems I have trained my personal horse, Kara to hate her. I giggled when CJ's mom told me that the 16 year old had come home very upset that my best friend was a backstabber who said mean things about me and my horse. (She was irate that C disparaged Kara!) But what I saw was a deeply jealous woman. It was heartsickening.
C has nothing. She lives in a boarding house, has no contact with her parents. She has one elderly arabian mare, who is crippled, and I think soon for the pastures of heaven. She has no man. She has no great good looks.
Then she hangs out with me. I have a farm, a truck, eight horses of my own, and a husband who is not an ugly man... troubled, perhaps but there and financially helping. My in laws are kind, I have many sweet friends. I even have parents who like me. I can see how C, who has always thought she is smarter and more hardworking (read more deserving than I) would feel rankled, sometimes. Especially when I am depressed because i seem so damn ungrateful, then.
I can understand how it might feel sucky, to see this surfiet of blessings lavished on this stupid woman who cant even keep her man in line (C believe in psychologically castrated male partners, prolly something to do with why she is alone.) The green eyed monster makes us all act weird and say dumb things. Some say dumber things than others. Some say them to the right people who keep their secret, let em vent and its all good. And then there are those who say the worst things to the wrong people.
I cant let this go.
So i think i will merely tell her that it has come forcefully to my attention that I seem to have liked her rather a lot more than she liked me. That i am sorry if she felt any responsibility to protect my animals from my distracted and lackadaisical care. I therefore absolve her of any such future feeling of responsibility. Would she please go NOW?
She isnt the kind of friend I really want to have, if thats the way she truly feels.
I cant belive that Nana wasnt mad! She was a genious! I really wish i could give mark Twain a cigar for his droll remark: "That the Older I am, the smarter my dad gets."
Same goes for Gramma.
And i would nod and sniffle and think Grandma wasnt right in the head. I needed her to FIX this, darnit! not recite some indecipherable Zen Koan....
Well, it seems I have suffered some betrayal.
My friend C-- has been talking about me behind my back. Now if all it was about was that she thought I was stupid or that she didnt like my horse training methods, or results, I would have no problem with her. I mean, we all get fed up with our friends and say they are an idiot sometimes. I offer a free pass on that one. I do not like every decision my usually discerning and wise friends and aquaintances make. But for crying out loud! She said something to my 16 year old.
This sixteen year old is special to me. She is very much like a young Flora. She has been head injured and so she is not so mature, and a little odd, but a smart girl struggling to catch up, nevertheless.
I love her tenacity, her gentleness, and her kind heart.
C told her that if she was her mother, she would not let her spend one minute with me, much less hours and days with me. Evidently C thinks I am unstable, weird, and capable of anything. Well, dear reader, guess what?
I can forgive C thinking I am a dope. But if she is concerned about the girl, get her number and call her mom. Dont try to scare an impressionable girl, implying that her occupational therapist is some kind of a weirdo. But she did. Other more laughable things she said just made me feel sorry for the woman and gave me a glimpse of what the real problem is.
Evidently, not only am I weird, and a bad trainer who knows nothing, who has nothing useful to teach, it sems I have trained my personal horse, Kara to hate her. I giggled when CJ's mom told me that the 16 year old had come home very upset that my best friend was a backstabber who said mean things about me and my horse. (She was irate that C disparaged Kara!) But what I saw was a deeply jealous woman. It was heartsickening.
C has nothing. She lives in a boarding house, has no contact with her parents. She has one elderly arabian mare, who is crippled, and I think soon for the pastures of heaven. She has no man. She has no great good looks.
Then she hangs out with me. I have a farm, a truck, eight horses of my own, and a husband who is not an ugly man... troubled, perhaps but there and financially helping. My in laws are kind, I have many sweet friends. I even have parents who like me. I can see how C, who has always thought she is smarter and more hardworking (read more deserving than I) would feel rankled, sometimes. Especially when I am depressed because i seem so damn ungrateful, then.
I can understand how it might feel sucky, to see this surfiet of blessings lavished on this stupid woman who cant even keep her man in line (C believe in psychologically castrated male partners, prolly something to do with why she is alone.) The green eyed monster makes us all act weird and say dumb things. Some say dumber things than others. Some say them to the right people who keep their secret, let em vent and its all good. And then there are those who say the worst things to the wrong people.
I cant let this go.
So i think i will merely tell her that it has come forcefully to my attention that I seem to have liked her rather a lot more than she liked me. That i am sorry if she felt any responsibility to protect my animals from my distracted and lackadaisical care. I therefore absolve her of any such future feeling of responsibility. Would she please go NOW?
She isnt the kind of friend I really want to have, if thats the way she truly feels.
I cant belive that Nana wasnt mad! She was a genious! I really wish i could give mark Twain a cigar for his droll remark: "That the Older I am, the smarter my dad gets."
Same goes for Gramma.
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